I Don’t Need You But I Want You

 I Don’t Need You But I Want You 

I don’t need you to tell me I’m beautiful. I’m aware of how I look with my bright eyes and bushy hair. Not even to sound big headed, but I don’t need your words to validate me. I don’t need you to tell me you love me. Three words, that so simple, really don’t mean anything if there aren’t any actions behind it.

Trust me; I’ve fallen for those three words many times before. I don’t need you to hold my hand. It’s been involved with so many people that don’t appreciate the language of physical touch, it would probably flinch at the graze of yours.

I don’t need you to hold me at night. I’ve slept in my bed alone for years and I honestly don’t even know how to share it. I don’t need you to be there at the end of the day when I get home. I actually enjoy the peace and quiet of my little apartment and not having an obligation to share that with anyone. I don’t need you for what you can do for me, in any way. I’m capable of handling my own and satisfying my needs. I don’t need you.

I don’t need you, but I want you. I want you to look at me in my bright eyes and see the smile come across your face. I want to receive a cup of tea from you after a long and tiring day, without being asked, and feel the love and care. I want to not have you just hold my hand, but reach for it because that’s where it belongs. I want you to remind me what it’s like to share my bed, my personal space, my sacred space with someone and feel completely comfortable.
I want you to be there at the end of the day, because when you are, it feels even more like home. I want you to add to the life I’ve built for myself, not create one for me.

There’s a difference between a need and a want. I need Matcha Green tea, lemon water, and my journal to survive. I want a bigger apartment, a tea cart and specifically, a lifetime supply of strawberries. (I love strawberries). But I can live without those things. I am living without those things. Would they make me happier? Sure, they’ll add some happiness. But is my happiness dependent on those things? No. It’s not. I’m happy with the things I need and I’ll always have those things(they better not get rid of matcha).

But that’s what makes wants, wants. They’re desirable for all the right and wrong reasons.

I don’t need you to be there, just like I don’t need a bigger apartment, but I want you to be there. I want you to be there for the good times, the bad times, the stressed out times, and the times when words can’t even help. I want to experience what it’s like to have a want fulfilled, to adapt to the changes.

I want to learn what it takes to now share and be involved with another person. I want to learn how it is to confide in someone and know days will come when we don’t want to look at each other. I want to experience all of you. Not just the good, but the bad. A new experience is always desirable and while it’s never perfect, the want for it is still there. Maybe when I get it I’ll realize it’s not all it’s cracked up to be, but for now, I don’t need you…but I want you.